100 Word challenge
Greeting humans on
earth. Today I’m going to tell you about Remembrance Day, on November 11th
is the day that we remember the people who fought for our country and died.By remembering there service and sacrifice.We had made the day called Remembrance Day.
Some of the people, who fought for our country, have lots of scars, some limbs
gone and wounded. Remembrance Day, is something that we should all remember of.
Those one hundred thousand Canadians that died for us for freedom and peace. Remember
on November 11th about the people that died for peace and to stop
war.
Good story, but you forgot the period between sacrifice and we.
ReplyDeleteWhen you wrote, on November 11th is the day that we remember the people who fought for our country and died. I think that you should alter it a bit so it reads, November 11th is the day that we remember the people who fought and died for our country.
ReplyDeleteBy remembering there service and sacrifice. The 'there' in there should be 'their'. You also don't need the had in the next sentence and it should, We made this day, Remembrance Day.
Your last sentence, Remember on November 11th about the people that died for peace and to stop war. Doesn't make a lot of sense so maybe alter it to, Remember, that on November 11th, there were people who died to stop war and to bring peace.
But that's just my opinion, good story though!
Great story, the only thing I would correct is when you wrote Greetings Humans on earth you should wrote Greeting humans to Earth
ReplyDeleteso I mean humans of earth not to
ReplyDeletenice story but I would say that the second sentence you should take out the comma between day and on and put a period there, also take out on.
ReplyDelete